I’m afraid I cannot relate to wanting what other people have. Whether it be their appearance, their possessions, their relationships, their lives, I do not envy not because I shouldn’t, but simply because that is not what I am. So when you wish you had something someone else has I think what you envy is a lovely thing but it is not you and it is not me. It is them.
If I wish to have a great love then I love greatly. I don’t know how to explain better than that and I certainly cannot guide anyone there. If I am against stealing, I do not steal. If I want to rescue people then I find people to rescue.
But to just love, to be in love, I must first love myself, I must put love into everything I do (even this now), and to me a person coming or going does not mean love coming into or going out of my life. I love them while they are with me and I love them while they are leaving and always I am loving myself, respecting myself, treating others well and demanding they treat me well, and loving who I am with and inviting them to love me back.
I sometimes think the great romantic love, THE ONE, is a fairytale myth, a story to tell children at bedtime along with Jack and the Beanstalk and Santa Claus. Love changes and grows and evolves over time. Perhaps if two people are lucky it begins with lust and gradually becomes a life partnership and the greatest of friendships.
I very much want to keep what I have, but it is my firm belief that I could marry and get along with about 70% of women. That is a wild guess but I tend to bother to shape my physical world as well as my world view. If I don’t like what I have then I get something different. If I don’t like my situation then I change it if I can and if I can’t then I change how I look at it. I find a way to be happy and I make it so. I don’t see that as a choice.
I love myself and all those in my life completely. That is just the right amount of love for me. To return that, as you may, is a lovely thing for you.