Your Love Language

5LoveLanguagesMy wife Cathy and I took a 30-question survey about The 5 Love Languages. If you click that link you can take the test and I recommend that you and your partner both take it. It might seem stupid at first, particularly for a guy, but I do think it provides something of genuine value.

I’ve not read the book and don’t intend to. I have no relation, business or otherwise, with the author Gary Chapman. But what will come to light from taking this short questionnaire are needs that are important to you and your loved one that might not be being met.

The Five Love Languages are:

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Acts of Service
  3. Receiving Gifts
  4. Quality Time
  5. Physical Touch

I do think it is of value between each other to know that one of you takes great joy in receiving little surprise gifts, or encouragement with what you are doing, or have a need to be touched as a part of regular communication quite apart from sex. This is not about sex but it is about how you like and need to relate.

These are the little things that mean a lot and it can also bring to the surface what you don’t like so much. It’s not just a stupid test but it most certainly is a little intervention and even a boost of self-awareness to what is needed and desired in the relationship.

A literal pat on the back or even a little desired participation thinking through a blog idea are examples of things that might come to light. It won’t hurt and it just might help. The little “test” is not about compatibility so much as a means of communicating your needs.

We found it more than amusing.

6 thoughts on “Your Love Language

  1. It can give you some real insight. If some hypothetical woman (certainly not me) had receiving gifts as her primary love language, her poor husband, who had acts of service as his primary love language, would be forever showing his wife he loves her by taking out the trash and doing the dishes. He would not understand why his wife was not feeling loved. All he needs to do is pick up a carnation while he is at the grocery store, or grab a book by her favorite author at the drugstore, and she would then feel loved because he was speaking her language.

    Jim and I are lucky to have our primary love languages, and the next ones, too, match. Neither of us has much concern for gift giving, and that is so freeing. We are both nearly impossible people for whom to buy a gift.

  2. I agree. This is valuable information. It is so easy to “miss the boat” when it comes to figuring out what your companion wants. It does help if they “tell” you. But I found in past dating that even though I am very vocal – and not all that shy – I really sucked at saying what I actually needed, wanted. Ah, communication can be a beast. Now, that I am better communicator – I have absolutely no interest in dating. Go figure 🙂

    • I think it is a mistake to feel that you should be dating or that you should be with someone. I take the approach of this “Love Language” thing to be to find out what the other person needs, more so even than yourself. If someone needs compliments and assurance, then give it to them. If they need to be touched to feel connected to you then give them a squeeze or touch their arm once in a while when you talk to them. The tragedy is when the other person does not care about your needs along these lines. I think that such a person can go elsewhere.

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